


Alone in the World

by Nostawyn



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 11:23:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nostawyn/pseuds/Nostawyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They refuse to listen, refuse to see that Daryl has every reason to love his brother. Spoilers for "This Sorrowful Life."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone in the World

He sorts through Merle’s things in silent grief, knowing that they don’t understand. How could they understand? They refuse to listen, refuse to see that Daryl has every reason to love his brother. They never ask themselves why Daryl is good with children, or how he knows lullabies. They never wonder who sat with Daryl every afternoon as he struggled through Dick & Jane books, or who taught him fractions. They never wonder who Merle was before things went to shit. Before he started doing drugs.

They don’t offer him sympathy, not even Carol. He knows they see it as good riddance, and he understands that; he does. It still hurts worse than anything he’s ever known. Especially when Glenn and Maggie walk by him without a single word, clearly feeling lighter than they have in days.

Merle had very little that will be of use. Clothes that no one will want to wear, rags for binding his arm, an empty flask… Trash, mostly, Daryl supposes. Just like Merle, the others would say.

When he finds it, it’s like a punch to the gut. Sitting at the bottom of Merle’s bag, there is a crinkled polaroid of the two of them at Daryl’s high school graduation. Daryl remembers that night so well—the bobby-pins they had to use to keep his mortarboard on, the pats on the back from his friends, the pride in Merle’s eyes as he told Daryl “I knew you could do it, baby bro”, the pride Daryl felt at being the first Dixon to make it through high school. It is both wonderful and heartbreaking to realize how much that moment meant to Merle, too.

Daryl doesn’t notice that he’s crying until he can no longer make out the faces in the picture. Then he’s lying on the floor of Merle’s cell, sobbing as hard as had when he’d discovered the shell of his brother gnawing on some dead bastard. He doesn’t care who hears, doesn’t care who knows how tore up he is about this. At least he isn’t talking to ghosts or trying to kill himself. He’s allowed to cry.

It’s Glenn who comes to him first. The kid actually looks like he feels sorry for Daryl, like he’s sorry Merle’s dead, but only for Daryl’s sake. As Daryl makes a vague attempt to minimize the waterworks, it occurs to him that he knows almost nothing of Glenn’s family, either.

Glenn doesn’t say anything. He just puts his hand on Daryl’s shoulder and squeezes, rubbing his thumb back and forth a little, soothingly. He waits, patiently, for Daryl to calm down enough to say something. Neither of them is expecting what comes out of Daryl’s mouth.

“Every other Sunday, he took me to the movies.” Daryl isn’t sure why that matters, why he needs Glenn to know that, but he does. “Dad worked on Sundays, and Mama would stay after to help at the church, so Merle would take me to the movies to see whatever was out. Found out later he got the money from stealin’. He went to juvy a couple of times for it. He wasn’t an angel. Hell, he was a jackass even before the drugs. But…”

“You loved him,” Glenn finishes, when Daryl trails off.

“No. I mean, he’s my brother, ’course I love him. But he loved me, too. None of y’all see that.” Daryl wipes at his eyes futilely as the tears continue to fall. “I know you have your reasons for hatin’ him and I can respect that. But he wasn’t evil. It ain’t that black and white.”

Glenn just nods his acceptance of Daryl’s statement. He doesn’t argue or say anything regarding Merle’s character at all. Daryl knows Glenn will never see Merle as anything but a villain. Merle never showed himself to be anything else.

“If you need a few days…” Glenn offers.

Daryl shakes his head. “Ain’t got time for that. War’s coming.”

Glenn gives Daryl a long, appraising look. “Your brother wasn’t the only person who loves you, you know.”

“I know.” It’s awkward to talk about, especially with Glenn, but Daryl knows that they all care about him. Rick went back for him when he was at Woodbury. Glenn came here, today, even though Glenn is glad that Merle’s gone. They love Daryl as they never loved Merle. Maybe he is the better man. Maybe he owes a large part of that to Merle.

Daryl isn’t stupid. He knows that some of what Merle did could be classified as abuse. But he also knows that Merle was trying to help, trying to making it so that Daryl could stand on his own. Merle always wanted Daryl to have a life. They just never thought they stood a chance outside of the backwoods.

“Thank you, for coming back,” Glenn says suddenly.

It throws Daryl for a minute. For coming back from what? Hell, which time? He always comes back. He figures maybe that’s what Glenn means.

“Thanks for not being a dick about all this,” Daryl replies.

“Yeah, well… Carol’s on watch, but she might kick my ass if I just came here and rubbed it in your face. Besides, you’re family.”

It’s a statement that had angered Daryl once, had felt like manipulation. Now it feels like salvation. He is not yet alone in the world.

He wipes his eyes a final time and stands, offering a startled Glenn a hand up. Together, they walk out of Merle’s cell and to the yard to continue working on fortifications. Daryl is not yet alone in the world, and he has work to do if he means to keep it that way.

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, I really hope that Daryl isn't so calm about the whole thing, but seeing as he's shown at the Prison in the trailer for next week he at least goes back.


End file.
